No, I don't think technology is intrinsically evil. I also don't think everyone who has smartphones is wasting their lives or ruining their childrens'. To make things clear, my decision concerns only my own situation, and is not meant to be a sweeping generalization concerning the detriment of "smartphone usage" (although a few of those kinds of thoughts will come later on).
All I know is that I'm too weak to have a smartphone. I do not have the willpower to use it only on certain occasions. If I have WiFi, you better believe I'll be looking for something to do. My favorite time-wasters: Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and - if I want to be really annoyed or to check and see if a tornado is about to hit me - Twitter.
Worse, if none of those platforms have anything going on, I go on Trulia to look at houses for sale. Yeah no, we aren't looking to buy anytime soon... You get my jist now. I have a problem. It's called smartphone addiction.
Being so connected to my phone, I have begun to lose a taste for the fresh reality of living in the moment.
Rather than playing with my children, I'm concerned with capturing photos of them playing. I'm so obsessed with recording memories that I'm missing out on their actual lives.
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| Reality smacks you in the face when your two year old says "I want to see me!" |
I predict that in the coming years, more and more people my age will become disenchanted with social media and smartphones. I don't even need to describe the ways in which we are constantly bombarded with information and tidbits and news flashes. If you would step away from all sources of media and news (including newspapers!) for a whole day, I promise you it would feel like a breath of fresh air. We are suffocating under the burden of knowledge of things that are passing. Do you even remember what the news headlines were two days ago?
After having given up my phone already in fits and starts, I can confirm that I am much happier on days that I "lose" my phone and don't go looking for it. The emptiness that social media creates is gaping. Folks want to feel connected to others whom they might not have a chance to be in touch with because of various life circumstances, but that connection is actually an illusion. They see what's going on in their friend's life without the actual human interaction part. It leaves us thirsty for more. As humans made in the image and likeness of God, we are meant to be in communion with one another so that one day our love will be perfected through Christ and bring us into communion with the Source of all that is good - the Trinity. Social media is a step back rather than a step forward. We might have more personal information about more people, but our interactions are shallow.
Social media can be used for good, of course, such as planning events and getting people involved. It's certainly handy for that! Pretty much every event I attend is organized on Facebook. That's why I'm not leaving entirely, just reducing my time on these platforms.
Getting rid of my smartphone is one step towards reconnecting with reality. I am not doing it so much for myself as I am for my children. No daughter should grow up with a mommy who stares at her phone more than at her. No son should have to grow up vying with a screen for attention. It hurts to admit that my children have already been subjected to this sort of thing. It's completely unfair to them. They have been forced to endure it because mommy wanted an "escape" from the often mind-numbing reality of being a stay-at-home parent.
Well all of that is over for now. I may use my phone after the children are in bed, but not while they are in my presence. Their dignity and value requires that I be present to them always. In heaven, perhaps I will be able to relive each and every joyful moment I've had with them without any of the burdens and concerns of everyday life. How wonderful that will be!
In the meantime, I hope to be more intentional with all of our time together. My children deserve a patient, attentive mommy and that's my new goal - to become more conscious and deliberate in all that I say and do around my children. So, next step: Holy Communion, because I truly need God's grace.
UPDATE: October 12. Almost a month and a half in, the real experiment has been more or less a complete failure. Now, instead of one phone that I do everything on, I have two phones - one for calls and texts and the other for wasting time on. Things went well for maybe a week. I was productive and I didn't miss the Internet one jot. Then Peter's birthday came around and we had 2 parties and lots of activities during the week that I wanted to get photos of, so my phone came out of hibernation. The struggle is putting it back. So without further adieu, right NOW I am putting my iPhone away indefinitely. Thanks for holding me accountable, my dear audience of 4!
UPDATE: November 17. Failure yet again. It's insane how subtly the iPhone and social media addiction creeps in. I use my phone for one thing, and a week later I realize I'm addicted again. I have to be on my guard at all times. I officially said goodbye and logged out of my favorite sites yesterday for a "social media detox". Perhaps that will give me more motivation to pay close attention to my actions when I do get my phone out for something. I won't be able to just "have a quick look" which turns into an hour of vapid scrolling. Can you imagine, though, today I got the entire house tidied up, caught up on all of the never-ending laundry, made some phone calls, cooked dinner, played with the children outside, put a coat rack on the wall, and organized a closet and our desk! No iPhone = super mommy. Until next time...
FINAL UPDATE: Four days ago, May 19, I took my most radical step towards freedom from digital slavery. I smashed my iPhone.
Yes, I admit: I was too weak to use it moderately. Inevitably, several times a week minutes would be transformed into hours of clicking articles, scrolling, and commenting before I even realized what was happening. For a few weeks, in moments of clarity and disgust, I would resolve to destroy my phone - only to convince myself I needed to wait until this-or-that event was over so that I could take pictures. I'll wait until I have a proper camera, I told myself.
In the greatest moment of clarity, I realized I was only fooling myself. It occurred to me that I would always have an excuse not to get rid of my smartphone. So on Saturday, when I'd had enough and was fed up at the fact that my phone had become my default resting state, I asked my husband: "Are you ready?" He knew what I was talking about. He knew of my plans to break my phone, but he never pushed the issue. He knew that I knew what was best for myself, and he was wise enough to realize that I needed to come to terms with it on my own time. Addictions are extremely powerful and difficult to break - sometimes you have to give yourself no alternative. In my case, I took advantage of the negative emotions regarding my iPhone, said to myself that now's my chance, and then went through with it.
As I held it up to hurl it to the ground, I found myself balking. It felt so counterintuitive... almost like I needed to be protecting it! Although Gerald bought it for me nearly 4 years ago as a joint wedding/birthday present, it was still in perfect condition; all beautiful with a shiny silver apple. But I knew there was no going back... I had resolved to do it, I was so close.
I chucked it to the ground. It was anti-climactic... it bounced weakly, with hardly a dent. So I slammed it down it again and again until it was well and truly destroyed and then Gerald had a few whacks with a hammer for his own gratification. All in all, a very therapeutic experience. I am now free. It took drastic measures, but now I find I have so much more time during the day. I am more productive. I am more mindful. I am more deliberate. Everything that I have wanted to be for a long time now.
I suppose the moral of the story is this: We all have our battles to fight. Some more asinine than others (*ahem*). Sometimes the best plan is not to courageously plow onward, but to throw down your weapons and admit defeat. In my circumstance, I was sure I could find the willpower to use my phone in moderation, just as I am able to do with any other pleasurable pursuit (fun bit of trivia: I do enjoy a drink or two, an occasional cigar, and chocolate, but my ultimate weakness is donuts). The pull of having instant gratification in my occasionally "lonely" (meaning, a lack of adult women friends due to being so darned busy with children and school!) world as a mother/student was just too much for me to enjoy in moderation. I thank the Lord for the wisdom to know when to give it up. Now it is time for me to rebuild and throw myself into new pursuits and hobbies, or to read more books that I have always wanted to read but never quite made the time for.
On a final note, I expected Felicity to ask me about my phone because she is quite observant and she also enjoys snatching it up to play with the camera when I've mindlessly left it lying about. However, she did not even notice that it was missing for about two days. Not a word about it. She was too busy playing with her mother. At this point, I can honestly say that destroying my iPhone was one of the best decisions I have made for myself and my family this entire year. These past four days have felt more like a week - time creeps by slower, but not in a bad way. To some extent, I view the inspiration and power to take such an extreme step as a small Pentecost miracle. The Lord heard my prayer and gave me the strength to fulfill it myself. Thank you Holy Ghost.
In the meantime, I hope to be more intentional with all of our time together. My children deserve a patient, attentive mommy and that's my new goal - to become more conscious and deliberate in all that I say and do around my children. So, next step: Holy Communion, because I truly need God's grace.
UPDATE: October 12. Almost a month and a half in, the real experiment has been more or less a complete failure. Now, instead of one phone that I do everything on, I have two phones - one for calls and texts and the other for wasting time on. Things went well for maybe a week. I was productive and I didn't miss the Internet one jot. Then Peter's birthday came around and we had 2 parties and lots of activities during the week that I wanted to get photos of, so my phone came out of hibernation. The struggle is putting it back. So without further adieu, right NOW I am putting my iPhone away indefinitely. Thanks for holding me accountable, my dear audience of 4!
UPDATE: November 17. Failure yet again. It's insane how subtly the iPhone and social media addiction creeps in. I use my phone for one thing, and a week later I realize I'm addicted again. I have to be on my guard at all times. I officially said goodbye and logged out of my favorite sites yesterday for a "social media detox". Perhaps that will give me more motivation to pay close attention to my actions when I do get my phone out for something. I won't be able to just "have a quick look" which turns into an hour of vapid scrolling. Can you imagine, though, today I got the entire house tidied up, caught up on all of the never-ending laundry, made some phone calls, cooked dinner, played with the children outside, put a coat rack on the wall, and organized a closet and our desk! No iPhone = super mommy. Until next time...
FINAL UPDATE: Four days ago, May 19, I took my most radical step towards freedom from digital slavery. I smashed my iPhone.
Yes, I admit: I was too weak to use it moderately. Inevitably, several times a week minutes would be transformed into hours of clicking articles, scrolling, and commenting before I even realized what was happening. For a few weeks, in moments of clarity and disgust, I would resolve to destroy my phone - only to convince myself I needed to wait until this-or-that event was over so that I could take pictures. I'll wait until I have a proper camera, I told myself.
In the greatest moment of clarity, I realized I was only fooling myself. It occurred to me that I would always have an excuse not to get rid of my smartphone. So on Saturday, when I'd had enough and was fed up at the fact that my phone had become my default resting state, I asked my husband: "Are you ready?" He knew what I was talking about. He knew of my plans to break my phone, but he never pushed the issue. He knew that I knew what was best for myself, and he was wise enough to realize that I needed to come to terms with it on my own time. Addictions are extremely powerful and difficult to break - sometimes you have to give yourself no alternative. In my case, I took advantage of the negative emotions regarding my iPhone, said to myself that now's my chance, and then went through with it.
As I held it up to hurl it to the ground, I found myself balking. It felt so counterintuitive... almost like I needed to be protecting it! Although Gerald bought it for me nearly 4 years ago as a joint wedding/birthday present, it was still in perfect condition; all beautiful with a shiny silver apple. But I knew there was no going back... I had resolved to do it, I was so close.
I chucked it to the ground. It was anti-climactic... it bounced weakly, with hardly a dent. So I slammed it down it again and again until it was well and truly destroyed and then Gerald had a few whacks with a hammer for his own gratification. All in all, a very therapeutic experience. I am now free. It took drastic measures, but now I find I have so much more time during the day. I am more productive. I am more mindful. I am more deliberate. Everything that I have wanted to be for a long time now.
I suppose the moral of the story is this: We all have our battles to fight. Some more asinine than others (*ahem*). Sometimes the best plan is not to courageously plow onward, but to throw down your weapons and admit defeat. In my circumstance, I was sure I could find the willpower to use my phone in moderation, just as I am able to do with any other pleasurable pursuit (fun bit of trivia: I do enjoy a drink or two, an occasional cigar, and chocolate, but my ultimate weakness is donuts). The pull of having instant gratification in my occasionally "lonely" (meaning, a lack of adult women friends due to being so darned busy with children and school!) world as a mother/student was just too much for me to enjoy in moderation. I thank the Lord for the wisdom to know when to give it up. Now it is time for me to rebuild and throw myself into new pursuits and hobbies, or to read more books that I have always wanted to read but never quite made the time for.
On a final note, I expected Felicity to ask me about my phone because she is quite observant and she also enjoys snatching it up to play with the camera when I've mindlessly left it lying about. However, she did not even notice that it was missing for about two days. Not a word about it. She was too busy playing with her mother. At this point, I can honestly say that destroying my iPhone was one of the best decisions I have made for myself and my family this entire year. These past four days have felt more like a week - time creeps by slower, but not in a bad way. To some extent, I view the inspiration and power to take such an extreme step as a small Pentecost miracle. The Lord heard my prayer and gave me the strength to fulfill it myself. Thank you Holy Ghost.
UP NEXT:
The Anthropology of the Sexes (title pending)
Homework:
Read Mulieris Dignitatem
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